At first the carriage sighed with
Grudging
Monday morning
Potential
Like simmering
Rebellion
Without the gumption to strike
Half-empty
Prison
And a little time to divert into
Alternative pleasantries
All too soon
The seats and aisles
Crammed with
Silent
Still life
(Actually
Pseudo "busyness"
Indulging in
Electronic
Escapes)
But a seat
Unexpectedly
Vacated
Between the distillers of pleasantries and
Filled with
A studded revolution black vest
Armed with tattoos and
Helmeted with
Silky
Neonic
Green
Hair
Uncomfortable discord
Sizzled
The tattoos
Stroked the neonic greens
Constantly
As if being different was
A shifty business
While the pleasantries fried into
Medusa-like
Stony glares
Fixed
Straight ahead
Peripheral vision was
Negligible
Finally
The staged skit was
Broken
The neonics shuffled out at Parliament
Chewing gum
Fast
For the first time I saw her eyes
As she passed my window
They were large
And dark
And beautiful
But still life
Trained on
NOTE: Parliament is the name of an undergound train station in inner Melbourne
Linking to:
dVerse ~ The Art of Rebellion
Poets United ~ Poetry Pantry
Real Toads ~ Open Link Monday
25 comments:
i like the pun at the end, life trained on.
i like how you did all the snapshots of the scene in the train
i like the busynasssssssss a lot!!!
:)
dear brother
Gemma- I know this poem all too well. Amazing how a little difference can completely freak people out. I fins it funny actually... I have tattoos, and I get some really odd reactions to them sometimes. I really like the sentiment here...that actually people, despite their differences,can still be beautiful, ARE beautiful in their own ways..and usually the people doing the judging? well, they can be quite ugly cant they....very thought provoking and great take on the prompt!
Nice capture of the train ride...the people busy with their gadgets then someone who looks different...the silence and stares...her eyes at the end, dark and beautiful says it all ~ Lovely work ~
ha another slice of reality...the whole mood can change when certain people get on the train or bus...and sometimes it is just how they look or race or...well we will find any different way to seperate us...but there is beauty in all of us...
Sometimes the tattoos are enough to categorize people, rightly or wrongly into what are stereotypes the green hair would add to it too, And yet, it is sometimes just a fashion statement and nothing more.
This has so much vivid imagery and is full of truthful observations. As Brians says, the mood can also quickly change depending who gets on or off and how they behave too.
Great write Gemma.
Always interesting to watch the dynamics between people on trains and busses. Love "life trained on."
you captured the interaction and mood and movement on a train so well...full of real life and emotions...open and hidden..sometimes the tension in the air can be grabbed with hands..
Some keen observations here. My take is that I get really interested in people willing to to be different but then I've never been one to be part of the crowd. And so if you look for humanity you'll find it in eyes or a smile
A common experience well observed and communicated.
How observant! An everyday happening on the people movers. Each with their own dressing, idiosyncrasies and texting,rubbed shoulders with others and still remain strangers. Nicely Gemma!
Hank
Yes some great observations and a humorous ending, much enjoyed.
Ah, the brief encounters in life that stick with us (like the gum).
You captured this so well - the shunning of the perceived Different (I just view them as Original). I love the glimpse of the beautiful eyes. One sees the girl who owns them.
My granddaughter sported a Mohawk for a time, and I thought it was way cool!
People fear the unknown and things they don't understand. It's the nature of the beast; beasts not meant to be packed into trains.
How often we are uncomfortable when we don't truly see--great write!
Imagine the stories that would emerge if rush-hour travelers dared to meet each other's eyes? I enjoyed this. And OMG, that is such a beautiful train car. Is that a subway?
I enjoyed this piece quite a bit. Love that so human truth you capture here...being uncomfortable with what is different or not understood.
Very well painted word pictures.
"While the pleasantries fried into
Medusa-like
Stony glares
Fixed
Straight ahead
Peripheral vision was
Negligible"
I read this aloud to my partner. Like me, she thought it was clever, and really enjoyed the multi-meaning of "stony."
I rode the city bus to school many mornings when I was in college--you've summed up the feeling in a bus or train very well!
How I loved this personification!
"Grudging
Monday morning
Potential
Like simmering
Rebellion
Without the gumption to strike"
It's as if you created a giant elephant here, and each of us gets only part of it. I thought it was the carriage itself that begrudged the normalcy of the day and waited for something to happen--and then it did! I almost felt the carriage jump for joy when the revolution took the empty seat. What an image! Fun Discord! Beautiful eyes! and then, sigh, normalcy still. I felt sad too that the show had ended.
the distillers of pleasantries
What a great phrase!
We judge way too often by how someone looks..I have found too often the most "normal" looking ones have been the scariest.
Wow your poetry is so good, so interesting.... it's awesome!! :D
How do you hit a social comment out of the park....you write something like this. Bravo for an eyes and heart open experience. Loved it.
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